Healing Journey
You reap what you sow and so we must learn to find our (chi) flow state to heal.
3/5/20269 min read
I almost died when I was 27 and was able to reverse ESRD, end stage renal disease, with a ton of time and self work. Some key points that allowed me to heal from a chronic illness:
Mizukagami Water Mirror
A water mirror self-reflects when it is calm and undisturbed. The stillness will bring about self reflection and self awareness, an endeavor to seek out (or face) our inner truth. Our inner truth is our ancestral wisdom that is already within us. Its clarity can be clouded with emotions, distractions, noise/drama so that it keeps you blind/asleep from knowing yourself and the wisdom that will help you break free from suffering. Let go of the noise.
Training the Mind, Train your Will Power
Healing is a complex process of the body, mind, and spirit learning how to get to homeostasis, which I call chi flow state, a harmonious, symbiotic state where all parts are functioning at optimal performance. Energy moves between mind, body, and spirit. When you are sick something is out of balance. With the right training your body can get back to stability and safety. A once healthy body/mind that succumbs to prolonged stress, lack of self care with inconsistent diet and exercise will deplete energy/chi flow. It can manifest as an autoimmune disorder or other chronic health problems. It's not to late to reverse the damage, but its not a walk in the park.
Our innate character will not change easily (if at all) so you must rely on your mindfulness (I know it sounds cheesy) to change your lifestyle. Being mindful means being intentional. It is a symbiotic relationship, when you train your mind you train your will power, visa versa. You must train your mind/will power to reinforce new intentional boundaries to self-regulate. Boundaries may include not eating inflammatory foods, not overworking your body when exercising, but working enough. Key mindful practices: patience and consistency. In a realm where we reward instant gratification, challenging ourselves by learning patience has lost its value. The most rewarding things in life are earned. You must break the cycle (of your ailments) with discipline so your chi flow becomes second nature.
The Health Train
I like to use the "health train" as an analogy, something I made up years ago and like to tell people when they ask me how I got so healthy after nearly dying. A train requires a lot of energy and the right fuel and consistency in work in order to move and to create the momentum to gain speed in one direction. In the beginning, the train moves very, very slowly. If you provide the right fuel, energy, and consistency to the slow moving train, eventually it will gain speed, harness more power, more kinetic energy, it will then move with very little effort but with some consistent work. Now that the train is heading in the direction with speed and force, it is very difficult to derail this train. You would have to throw a lot of unhealthy habits and inconsistency to slow it down. Eventually, you can stop a train if you stop all efforts to keep it going. Even worse, you can go so far as to derail the train by unfortunate circumstantial fated karmic debt.
Alchemization
I remember watching Kung Fu Hustle (great Cantonese comedy movie btw), and the main character gets beat up so badly that he goes into catatonic state, gets bandaged up for days like a cocoon while his friends feed him herbs. In his stillness, his spirit becomes alchemized, transforms. And when he wakes up, he is in an ultimate chi flow state, and masters the Buddha Palm. My take, while you're searching for answers on how to heal, you need to challenge yourself, take herbs, allow your body to rest, do something that your body doesn't normally do and be mindful.
Give Space for Grief & Be Selfish
A chronically ill person lives between the realms of the living and dead, a kind of limbo. For me, I had to give space for grieving the loss of my once healthy self, and actively trying to let go (and re-frame by embracing) the traumatized self, to make way for the possibility of finding the phoenix rising within (i.e. space for transmutation of spirit, mind, and body). I also like to think about a cocoon and its chrysalis, a pupil into a butterfly. You must learn to love yourself and the new transforming self. While I don't consider myself chronically ill anymore, my experiences make me hyper aware of my aging body's capacity and the meticulous work required for me to maintain my health. In the context of your health, be selfish. Take your time. Your health is number one.
Fear is the Mindkiller, Adversity is our Teacher
Remove yourself from FOMO, fear of missing out; this is key for spiritual growth and wisdom. It can help reframe the shame/guilt /unworthiness you feel from not living up to what you hoped to achieve, which is often fabricated by societal expectations. Shame and guilt are necessary feelings, especially if it is a result of causing harm to yourself or others, but those feelings should be a catalyst for learning and moving forward from a scarcity mindset. Adversity is our teacher. Suffering is a great tool if you have the capacity to pull yourself out of it, ultimately recalibrating your senses and perspectives. Stagnancy can be a result of one's fear to change, fear of more suffering, combined with a lack of mindfullness/will power, you will not grow if you sit in fear and victimhood.
Being Lucky
Not everyone has the opportunity, capacity, or luck (which influences one's character, more on that later) to do the things that make the healing process more attainable. And our society makes it near impossible with expensive health care, lack of (real) community, the wage slave system, and no concept of work life balance. No one has time to actually listen to what their mind/body needs. When you're faced with life or death, and want to live, you don't have a choice but to pay attention. And luckily, I always had the will power/drive for practicing things I enjoyed doing (an ADHD and ASD super power). With the help of my mom's support and my skills in art, I was able to start tattooing again after a 4 year hiatus due to my two acute kidney failures. I can proudly say I've been in remission and off all pharma meds since 2019 by developing my own healthcare practice through mindfulness, diet and exercise, and a lot of luck on my side.
Food is Medicine
I was extremely disciplined with my diet because I truly believe food is medicine and in life or death situations, healing the physical body can be achieved through diet sooner than physical exercise (remember the health train, fuel and consistency first, then movement). When I feed my plants nutrients and give them the right amount of air, humidity, water, sunlight, and soil, they start to thrive, but it takes time and the right environment.
Neuroplasticity
My past experiences with psychoactive medicines help to open up neuroplasticity in the brain, which for me, rewires, recalibrates my perspectives, refines spiritual attunement and self awareness, and makes me more open to new possibilities and being able to let go of anything holding me back. Many folks use psychedelic therapy to overcome trauma, addiction, and depression, which is now clinically studied and shown to make new neural connections in the brain. I would suggest finding a spirit guide if you are not knowing what steps to take in this direction.
Stuart Smally
Stuart Smally was a character on a SNL skit in the 1990s. They would look in the mirror and say, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and gosh darn it, people like me", it was their "daily affirmations". They were onto something. My take on their affirmations is that the emphasis is on accepting who you are no matter what stage you're at in order to move forward. And honestly if no one does like you, find new friends or be at peace in solitude. Popularity is overrated. Acceptance is closure, once you take your steps, moving forward compounds. Ruminating over things that cannot be changed immediately is a distraction and results in further stagnation.
Our mind and body requires different needs at different times and intensities of illness or stagnation. Some key things that helped me get going from full stop of the health train:
reduce stress: practice yoga, breathing exercises, tai chi, etc
in my case, get a divorce aka dump their ass, dump the toxic energy
love yourself more
give space for mourning the loss of your old self, learn to let go
create a ritual of eating practices
cut the noise (outside drama, gossip, TV)
reduce/release pressure, meaning reduce any kind societal pressure you might be feeling, this helps to recalibrate self worth because where you are now in your healing journey is where you need/are meant to be.
have consistent sleeping times, even if you can't sleep, bed rest
very strict about cooking and only eating whole, organic foods at home but reframed as delayed gratification
no bags or boxes of junk food, processed sugar, chips, anything from frozen food aisle
no extremely salty foods like pickles or bacon (kimchi is fermented, which is great)
no dairy
no alcohol, no sodas (I stopped drinking alcohol immediately when I was 27, it wasn't difficult for me even though I drank about 3 beers on tap a week)
draw/create for fun, not for work
no extremely fatty foods, no burgers, no cheese, no high salts
small amounts of fruit
sleeping and resting a lot
walking daily or daily rehab exercises
CBD/THC as medicine to treat depression (depending on where your brain chemistry is at, it can be helpful, but I do not recommend it recreationally)
lots of genuine deep laughter and joy (I remember the first time I laughed in 1.5 years while in a depressed state and it was like a surge of energy pouring through my body, laughter is form of energy that can be "medicinal" for the spirit)
practicing gratitude (similar to Edward Norton's character and Marla in Fight Club, it helped me to read about the morbid curiosities of the world)
bone broth
high protein, high fiber intake
herbal teas
neuroplasticity training: psilocybin
dancing at festicals
Other helpful things that were introduced (in addition) to my lifestyle with momentum on the health(y) train:
functional mushrooms: reishi, maitake, shiitake, lion's mane, tremella, chaga, turkeytail
dark fruits (if I eat raw fruit)
work life balance (boundaries with work)
no cannabis smoking
re-frame past trauma, give it space (but don't give it influence) and respect it as something that makes you stronger.
herbal tinctures (please message me if you'd like to know what tinctures might help you)
acupuncture (I've seen various acupuncturists when I am in need of acute stabilization of the mind and body; it requires several months of consistent sessions to see results. I currently am not seeing an acupuncturist, but did two sessions a week from 2021-2023)
acupressure massage (when I was hustling tattoos a lot, I was getting two acupressure massages a week to keep my body in great shape from unhealthy tattoo postures, now that I work less I maintain with my massage chair and stretches throughout the day)
Chinese herb formulas (see your herbalist for recommendations when you feel like you need rebalancing)
eat foods that your ancestors would enjoy (unless your ancestor died from indulging in such foods)
traveling to beautiful places if you like traveling (to reap the benefits of working your ass off hustling)
reframe your past trauma/regret as a journey (it's okay to feel regret, but you must embrace moving forward with the now instead of the past)
organ pills
livfresh or NHA toothpaste
limited, moderate, guilt free junk food pleasures (burgers, bacon, candy, ice cream, cake)
exercise routine: kettle bell work outs, L sit head hangs, dead hanging for grip strength
exercising throughout the day, resting day after big exercise days
unilateral exercises and balance exercises (pilates)
infrared sauna blanket, massage chair, and meditation
trail running/hiking aka forest bathing
cardio: rebounder/roping 15 mins every other day, in line skating 20 min a day everyday
everything in moderation including moderation
even more freestyle dancing at festivals
neuroplasticity training: psilocybin, DMT, LSD, ketamine
make efforts to do the things you've always wanted to do, for me, learning to play a new musical instrument
Being able to look back in the beginning and actually not recognize the person that was once sick, is such a privilege. And to recognize the efforts honors the work you put in for yourself, it is so incredibly rewarding and one of my greatest accomplishments—to prioritize my health. I remember not being able to walk up a hill section on my street without getting winded in 2012, and now I can sprint it after a 2 mile jog.
My healthiest year according to my lab work was during COVID, I did my labs September 2020. Nothing was flagged, and on paper I was a completely normal person. I was cooking at home every meal everyday, trail running 3 times a week with Juju, and spending a lot of time just sleeping however long I wanted and napping whenever I wanted, no alarms made. As an artist, and hermit/introvert and as someone that spends time never bored, it was the most opportune time to cultivate a disciplinary practice of self-care and find that flow state.
Some tips on finding the right acupuncturist, if you are lucky and feel something (energetic movement within the body) the very first session, that a great sign. Keep at it and be consistent, if you don't feel anything within 3 sessions, it's time to look for another practitioner.
Some tips for navigating conversation with someone dealing with chronic illness, don't say: "hope you figure it out soon!", "don't worry, you'll get better soon", "just have a positive mindset and you'll get better, you'll see". While they are well-intended, it's not helpful at all for the chronically ill because they are really just trying to make it through the day. If they ask for advice (I have asked for help specifically from someone who went through traumatic illness), "practicing stress relieving activities might help", a simple, effective, and forward way to ground someone, followed by "I know it seems impossible right now". If they just want to talk about it, you can say "let me know if I can do anything to help relieve any stress", "sending you healing energy". Transmutation of the spirit, mind and body can be a process with no end in sight, so be mindful on where they are at on their healing journey.
Feel free to send me a message if you need more insight on details of what might help your healing situation at the moment.
Healed and off all pharma meds since 2019 photo taken on February 21st 2026 at the studio.
