So Malicious

The Year 2000

My first rave was in the year 2000. I was 15 and a half and a group of my friends were going to a rave called "So Malicious" in the tiny town of Galt, CA. It would be the first of many. So Malicious would be the catalyst of my never ending search for PLUR (peace, love, unity, and respect) and dancing my ass off. From warehouses, to forests, to deserts, I went to my first forest camping festival in the Santa Cruz mountains at a Boy Scouts campground called Symbiosis, and my first of 12 Burning mans in the year 2004.

So Malicious

As a first timer, I didn't have expectations, especially since I was basically a teenager with an undeveloped brain. I grew up with emotionally immature immigrant parents, meaning, they didn't know how to express healthy emotions because they themselves were never taught such expressions from their parents. I didn't having any outlet to express myself outside of making art with my hands—I didn't know how to dance. I didn't know how to communicate my feelings because my parents never taught me how. The only thing malicious about going to So Malicious, was that I had to lie to my parents to go. I said I was sleeping over at my friend's house. My friends who were also Asian, also lied to their parents about sleeping over at a friend's house, we created triangles of lies so we could all escape to raves every weekend. As the youngest daughter of 3, I was allowed to go to sleep overs since by my age my parents were a bit more relaxed, I think they probably felt like I could be that weird, experimental child, so glad they did.

I learned how to dance that night. I felt safe not giving a fuck. There was no performance, just feeling the music. I didn't care what I looked like, the vibe was: everyone doing their own thing just dancing to music. There was no visible DJ at this particular rave. Just speakers and loud techno and trance. I felt it deep in my bones. I used to be shy and insecure thanks to having bullies. But at the rave, I felt accepted. I could dance all night till the sun came up. No one cared and I knew it. That rave was the first time I saw two teenagers dry humping on top of speakers. I also saw kids sitting inside speakers. It was so loud. It's a good thing young bodies are more resilient but also thank goodness for adulting with earplugs.

Underground Raves

Underground raves were illegal. There were no permits, they were frequently shut down by cops, they were thrown by amateur production companies who knew a graphic designer that could make a cool flyer. My first friend I made at UCLA, I looked into her dorm room and she posted all the rave flyers she'd been to on her tiny section of the wall next to her bed, I asked her "you go to raves?"—it was an instant bond. The DJs on the flyers were no name upcomers, and they all aspired to be the next Sasha and Digweed or producer of the next one hit wonder like Darube. Ravers were like characters from another planet, colorful hair, candy bracelets from wrists to elbows, and the rave pants, oh the rave pants—would sometimes end up with mud stains to the knees dancing in the dirt fields of rural Chico.

Raves today are called electronic dance music festivals, aka EDM festivals. But back then, raves used to describe the underground, grungy, dirty, dark (and a bit dangerous if I'm being honest), in the middle of nowhere venues. Sometimes you ended up at a shopping mall location waiting for a shuttle bus to take you to a warehouse tent in the middle of rural farmland, and it would get shut down before you even got on the bus. You didn't know the location until you called a random phone number (on the rave flyer) on your landline the day of the rave event, to hear the voice recorded directions on how to get there. Where did you get the rave flyer? At a local record store, because there was only dial up internet. Yes, there was no MapQuest then either. We used real maps, the ones that folded out a bunch to a giant map of the entire greater Sacramento area (where I grew up) and they were impossible to fold back neatly. And when there MapQuest era did arrive, we still had to print those out, and have a passenger side navigator (friend) help with relaying the printed paper directions. Times have changed with website advertisements, and our google maps on smart phones for navigation. I remember in 5 years time there was the Garmin, which seemed like such a luxury. Back then you had to work for data and information. You had to earn it by taking the extra steps, but since that's just how life was, I suppose for millennials, the only difference is acknowledging all the extra time we save now, and how gen Z don't really know much about delayed gratification.

How Rave Culture Evolved with Tech

Raves used to be dark and mysterious because tech was limited back in the day. Even though it was already the year 2000, there was no decent LED or laser technology until close to the year 2011. Fun fact, neon sign makers are now a dying breed. When the led strip became brighter and as bright as neon signs, that's when raves started looking really different. Underground raves were dark, minimally lit, maybe with some spotlights if you had the production overhead. You wouldn't even see the DJ on a stage. Most of the time, you would just hear music like in a club (but definitely not like clubbing). As soon as the size of the led battery became minuscule and USB charging capacity was a thing, boy did it change the light shows. Light shows from stages are now the main attraction, along with the DJ/producing standing on it.

As time went on, production companies caught on with money on their mind and realized people like partying, and in fact, love electronic music. People love spending days dancing and listening to music, and a whole new culture of raving began to progress into electronic dance music festivals. More mainstream events like Cyberfest and Metrolpolis in 2001 SF had more production value with DJ stage presence and music production spotlights. There would be a time when festival lasers became a thing, I remember seeing Mayan Warrior in 2016 on the playa thinking, omg what the hell is that sparkly thing? and those green beams? The DJ stage is now the main attraction of any edm festival, it is the ultimately light show experience, and keeping it alive with lasers blasting in every direction with smoke effects, bubbles, and propane fire blasts, and individually addressable motor powered spotlights is now a full time job (thanks to the visual lighting effects crew).

Nostalgia

Do I ever wish I could go back to underground raves? Absolutely not, but I am so happy I got to experience it the way it was. Like a relic to be honored. While I like the idea of spontaneity and the surprise element of not knowing the secret venue, I also like being prepared now as an adult, and know that there will be a safe place to party with working toilets, and knowing that the cops won't show up and bust the party. That was especially lame when you drove far to get there. And while it did change my life at the time, that was all that was available. It's given me perspective. There was a time and place for it, and as I get older, partying life seems to be more about savoring the moments that make you feel safe enough to feel free.

Rave flyers printed in the 1990s/2000s